Ravens Way- self narrative
I will never forget the day I went to Ravens Way Rehab in Sitka, Alaska. I had got into trouble with my mom for failing a drug test and not following her rules. Feeling helpless, she put me in jail where I was forced to get the help I needed. Even though I felt this was punishment from her and I didn’t believe I had a problem, in the back of my mind I knew something needed to change. At that point all I was doing was going down hill. I lost my motivation and had no goals to aim for, which led to me dropping out of school. No respect for anything or anyone, was the attitude I had gained from using drugs.
The plane took off to Sitka and I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. Sitting there, all I could think about was the dreadful 45 days of being away from everyone, and not thinking I would make it. It almost felt like I was putting my life on hold, which made me even angrier. My mom was sitting in the seat next to me to accompany me there. Even though I was still mad at her, I had never had to be away from my family this long. She grabbed for my hand and kept telling how much she loved me, and I ended up falling asleep on her lap. Of course I loved her but all I wanted to do was get this over with so I could go back to living the life I thought was so great.
Arriving in Sitka I had no idea what I really had got myself into. Besides for another girl, out of the 8 kids I was the only other girl. After the first week we lost the girl and one of the boys. I didn’t care about the kids or the people there, all I wanted was to get in and get out. Then one day, my primary counselor had given me some treatment work and feedback. No one had anything good to say about me and my plan of faking it wasn’t working. I didn’t have people fooled as good as I thought. That night I stayed up and thought about how lonely and pointless it would be if I didn’t at least give the kids a chance, or hear out what the people had to say. From our circles I got to know and trust everyone, and that made the experience become more real. I was able to open up more and take in the things I was learning.
Sitka 2, as they called it, was the expedition part with the 3 week camping and kayaking trip. At first I didn’t put much effort into it and dreaded the whole idea of being in the wilderness. Turned out it was actually one of the coolest times of my life. I learned how to do so many things I never thought I was capable of doing. Things like; putting together a tent/tarp, tying bear bags in trees, repelling off a 60ft rock wall, kayaking for miles, and hiking with 50 pound backpacks. Having challenge to get through with the group had brought everyone so much closer, and I noticed a complete change from the beginning.
In the first part of Sitka I didn’t put much effort into anything and now it finally felt like I was accomplishing something. My counselor had even pointed out the change in me but she still felt like I needed to open up more, I just didn‘t know how. That same day we kayaked for 17 miles, the longest we had ever done. Instead of concentrating on the paddling I admired the beautiful scenery around me, taking it in and realizing how lucky I was to be doing this for my treatment. That day the group seemed to be getting along the best so far, we all were just in our thoughts not talking and completely relaxed. Out of nowhere we all heard the sound of water breaking and turned to see a whale breaching 30 feet from our kayaks. I couldn’t even describe how perfect the setting was that day and how much it opened my eyes to how good life can be.
Another eye opener for me was the day we hiked 4 miles to a lake that overlooked a mountain. I was the leader for once, which was different then Lorelei who had first arrived. When we got there we had to do a group activity and then meet privately with our primaries. The activity was to make a flag, one side with what we wanted to do with our lives and the other the past. It had me thinking about the changes I needed to make to be happy with my life and myself. After I met with my counselor. It was only suppose to be a short talk about progress, which I was definitely making but I ended up talking to her for a whole two hours. Definitely wasn‘t expected, even by me. Not once had I ever told someone so many aspects of my life or trusted them enough to be that open. It was then I came to the conclusion I wanted to really change but I didn’t fully know how. By opening up that much, and coming to terms with problems I had gone through was the biggest step of all.
Ravens way gave me more then sobriety. I came in there angry at the world and no care for anyone, not even myself. I ended up leaving with a whole new take on life, confidence, and what I would do to make myself happy. The most significant thing I realized was, people go through tragedies all the time but surviving them and how you get through them is all apart of it. That was the hardest thing for me, coming to terms with everything I have gone through and knowing that I chose how I’m going to make it out of them ok eventually. This was huge because I had mainly done drugs for these reasons. Also, I came to realize my mom really wasn’t the enemy. All she wanted was to help me realize I’m capable of so much more and couldn’t watch me end up killing myself. I hated my mom for putting me in jail, and now I have the best relationship then I ever have had with her. Truly Ravens Way saved me from myself and gave me tools to handle my problems without drugs. I can’t even begin express how thankful I am for having gone through this program, and have got where I am today.
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